Reality

February 25th, 2013

Well the honeymoon is over. I had seven weeks of floating through my new world, amazed at my good fortune. Now after continuing to feel low energy and tired from my recent sickness I start to see the mountain that I am attempting to climb. I see it as I start collecting my thoughts and new knowledge about my community in writing my “Community Needs Assessment”. In a way I am simply rewriting what has already been stated in various ways by various groups. It is largely a process for me to begin understanding my community and where I can attempt to help. Which is what brings me to the mountain. It has many sides all connected and all challenging. So far the aspect that seems most pressing is the relationship of cooking fuel and deforestation. There are several different groups working to address this issue and I am curious to see how I can fit into the puzzle. I go through spurts of inspiration soon to be met with bumps, gullies and chasms.

Another smaller hill I climb is the feeling of apprehension. Apprehension because I can’t speak the language. Because even when I think I understand, I don’t. Seeing the abyss of unknowns, uncertainties and feeling scared. Feeling the weight of living in a totally different culture, with so many different opinions, views, ways of being. This has been described to me a culture shock. Maybe it’s not quite shock but more of a sneak. It slips in slowly. Kind of like how right now it is sunny and raining at the same time. I can’t, and don’t want to, change it. But I guess I’ll  just  patiently let it settle in around me, like a fog. Aware of its presence while being aware of my own. Recognizing the difference and letting it be as it is. Because, just as the sun is shining now- these people are beautiful.

Beneath the shouts of “you, you, you”, “ferengi”, and “birr, birr”, behind the giggles and whispers is the urge to connect, to interact and exchange our cultures. I remember this after I have locked myself in my house to avoid the mocking children, trying to hide. But the shining sun beckons me outside. I go for a walk up my new favorite hill and encounter the other side- the beauty in little kids shyly shaking my hand, young girls timidly asking my name, a boy offering me some peas to eat, the girl inviting me into her house for buna. It’s these gestures of kindness that fill me up, open me and remind me why I am here. To experience another culture. For all its up’s and its downs.

From my quiet mountain perch overlooking Goba and the surrounding fields I reflect:

Get out,

Get out and greet the world.                                                                                                  

Climb the hill,

Sweat,

Breath,

Live.

This is it. Whatever it is.

Don’t resist, hide or

Try to change it.

Accept and experience it.

Keep moving,

Keep growing,

Keep living- always.